I've been in a record breaking foul mood since my last entry, which at this point explains my sporadic blogging.That, and i don't have anything nice to say, because my life isn't really very interesting at the moment and i'm sick of thinking about and talking about and writing about "deep" issues, uh, like leggings?

But i do have to apologize to those who has been anticipatingly coming back in here now and then to check on any new "news" from me.And i know each and everytime , you just had to be disappointed with the last entry that was served.I just need a break and disappear into the dark and quiet recesses of blogosphere.But, trust me, this is gonna be a superbly long/make up entry for y'all.

So, someone once called my blog a third-rate humour/inside jokes diary, these days, it's not even humorous.Yes, i stick on to the humour part coz the problem with inside jokes was, it has offended some people..people who are not good at logic and reasoning, this means those people who won't understand what the joke's all about, was the one who used to collapsed my inbox with"@%$^" nonsence.

It’s pretty easy to get caught up in how our lives should or could be, how the people around us affect us, and what we can do to get out of this mess. I heard once that using a kitchen sponge just moves the germs around. I have no reason to disbelieve this.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just moving around the germs of my life. One problem solved, another comes into focus. For all the good changes I’ve been having, I’m still having a serious problem with my personal life. I have some obvious insecurities, this is no secret, and I’m dealing with them day by day, making progress. Yet still, what is left? The niggling bits?

Often I look at myself through a fish eye lens. Certain parts of me are distorted, sometimes the good parts are better, the worst parts are unbearable, and the normal part..the parts that make me like everyone else, seem overbearing. So the issue of rising above and moving ahead and sorting things out becomes tedious and confusing. My frustrations rise with everything around me.

I'm totally not even sure why i can't make any progress to all the nonsessical bits happening.I think it's partly due to normal hormonal shifts, but that doesn't even come close to justifying my problems.i'm so bent out of shape and i can hardly recognize myself.

So, in effort to get myself back to some sort of normal, i have been catching up with some old friends and been doing cross-word puzzles again.First, i was doing them romatically, then i started doing them compulsively.Now, i am like a sabutex addict!

The other day I was listing some physical problems I've been having to my friends, C and J. I will spare you some of the details because they are both personal and don't help me project the air of perfection I strive for (is it working?), but they include lack of sleep, more lack of sleep, pointless eating, stomach problems, hair falls, more hair falls and horrendous breakouts. All of the above mentioned physical problems ain't funny alright!

But I do have a funny story, HPV sufferers may not find it funny. Idiots may also not find it funny.

So, after couples of wines down, C, J and I proceeded to discuss about a woman who has to have a hysterectomy (sorry hysterectomy recipients...as if it were some sort of gift, right?) because she had cervical cancer (also not funny). I brought up the fact (or should i say medical trend?) that women who have cervical cancer almost always suffer from HPV(funny), or had their fair share of sexual partners. Then J said, "But this is a woman who left a tampon in for three weeks." To which I replied, "That's not gonna be good for business." C thought that was funny. Then I realized the insinuation I had made, and I kind of had to laugh as well.And then it occurred to me, HPV, cervical cancer, hysterectomies, and Toxic Shock Syndrome are no laughing matters....we must have had evil wines for that night!

I really do appreciated the time-off Darl gave me the other day to catch up with my two meanest girlfriends.Sometimes you need a reminder from your not so distant past to jog your emotions back in order.It's always a pleasure to be with those who loves me and accepts me and shares old fond memories.I don't want excitement..i just want a damn good time.(Or a lifetime supply of chocolates!!)

The more i sit at home, the more I’ve been thinking about the matter between me and Darl, and the more it frightens me. Not because it isn’t solvable..everything’s solvable.I won’t go into all of the details, but I found myself becoming more and more embittered and jaded, more and more tired, and more and more unpleasant, because it has wedged its way between me and happiness. Because it has become insidious. How long this process has taken, I don’t know. Maybe my whole life, maybe more recently. The damage is: I am a passive. Ahh, the word sounds so gentle...

Really, i don't want you all to get bored with me going on and on with my life story, but the last time i checked, this is a blog...MY blog! (so, read on if your eyes are still fully intact..)

See, I have been able to curb my foul language, to a point, but unless I have someone I really care about (impressing), chances of eradicating it totally are slim to none.At least i have tried improving on one thing to say the least!

So, like i've mentioned to my friends, now i'm telling you again, that i have been lacking of sleep lately (now, this is something which i can't seem to improve on).This has never seem to be a problem, coz i'm known to be a nocturnal, but the PROBLEM is that i can't get to sleep until the wee of 5 am and i had to be awake at 6 am.You do the math...

Hopefully, you came up with that i could at most get about 1 hour of sleep.If so, you're good at math!!
I figure, i average about 2 hours of slumber since last week.Maybe from now on I’ll try to make sleep a priority in my life. That or start doing hard drugs. If I’m going to be nuts, I may as well have a good reason....:P

So, dear readers, after spiraling into a surprisingly untimely fit of "severe depression", i still make time to update this dusty blog of mine, the best you could do for me is to wish me luck with the next i-donno-what.

Till then, hugs, hugs from moi>>(only because it's been raining today, and i thought you need one!)