I have yet to have a decent hour of sleep for the past couple nights.Last night was worse, i thought i felt the presence of angels of death with me, hovering in my room while i was online trying to kill my time.I kept looking at the corner of my eyes to check if i ever to see one.My head throbbed so bad, my chest felt tight.I felt my body getting lighter, almost too light that i thought i was gonna faint at any moment.



At the same time i couldn't stop blamin' myself for not been eating well, for doing so much, for smoking too much, for forgetting God way too long...



I crept next to my husband who was sound asleep.Like a frightened child, i clinched to him, i heard myself crying, apologizing umpteen times....i beseeched God to gimme another chance at life.I wasn't ready to die (yet).I have so much to accomplish, i have too many people who needs me around still.but who am i to go against him, am i kidding myself when i begged for that?

I guess that's how people felt when death are summoned upon 'em.

i felt weak.
i felt helpless.
i felt sorry.

My head still hurts at this very moment but i no longer felt "it".Maybe God's giving me another chance..maybe i just need plenty of rest.My body's is breaking down, i can feel it.

So now, more than 12 hours, 5 cigarettes later, i should be glad that i am still breathing..still alive.